Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Oops plus a parenting tangent

Assalamu alaikom and peace to you lovely folks reading my blog!

I'm a bad bad blogger. I've been gardening and not taking pictures. I know. I'm sorry. Things are growing, and you're missing it. Ha! How will you ever move on? I will go find my camera and snap a few pics insha'Allah (God willing) tomorrow. I've already eaten from my green onions, and tonight use parsely in the dinner. I don't know how fast parsely grows back, so this is an experiment for me because I chopped off the entire bunch growing. No more parsley for a while! lol

I did get a pink 'knockout rose' for the front yard, but you'll get to see all that soon enough. I'm sure you drying to know what parenting topic is on my mind tonight.

Ok, so you know how people can have pretty strong opinions when it comes to how big (or small) a family should be. I've even been one of those people who has said it wouldn't be right to have a 4th child because of how the older 3 would surely not get the attention they need. (and I'm talking about families with children close in age, not spaced out like 5 years apart) I get the concern. But now that I have 4 children age 9 and under, I feel confident in this conclusion I've drawn.

I feel that everyone gets a lot more love and attention with the bigger family. There are more people for you to talk to or who will want to talk to you (not just parents, but sibling to sibling). This is great for playtime, afterschool, weekend mornings when mom and dad want to sleep in. It's perfect for after-dinner goofing off, having a helper while cooking, gardening, and folding laundry. And when you feel a little lonely, it's not long before someone will come around with something to talk about or do.

Also, a little parenting can go a long way, so you don't actually need to spend 4X the energy/effort just because you have 4 children (or 5 or 6). Actually, the trickle down theory works great here because the law of the land is already established and they often keep one another in check (except for the times they all encourage each other to be naughty!). Once the hard work is done with the first one or two, the rest of the family will follow suit. Of course, each child does still need some one on one time, but it's not as much as with the first child b/c a lot of the work has already been done.

Another nice thing is how much help you can get if you set the plan up right. I get so much help with household jobs, homework helping, and just with them playing together. Helping one child with homework is easier when the second child has a third and fourth child to play with instead of sitting there being jealous and wanting your attention. Telling 3 or 4 kids to go play outside has way more chances of happening than telling one kid to go outside and play (without you)

My point for this whole thing is not to say one way is better than the other, but to point out that having more children doesn't necessarily mean they will each lack in attention and love from the parent. They will feel all of that love because it has manifested itself into the entire structure that is called the family. They'll still get the attention they need, and maybe it is not as much as the other way, but who is to say that that is wrong or bad. And as a result they will have gained a lot of siblings!

Thanks for reading, and I didn't mean to offend anyone. Just realizing that my original fear of not having enough to go around isn't really the case. And the biggest disclaimer of all is that none of the above applies to the first year if you have a baby! But if you can survive that, then you'll be home free.

1 comment:

  1. ohhh.. i want to see your garden! i'm so jealous :P nothing is green here yet.. spring is sooooo late after 6 months of snow!
    i agree 100% about having big family. i was the only child and always wanted to have many kids. i have them in bunches of three, so it's not that all 6 of them were small the same time. it was much easier to take care of the babies number three, when the other two could keep each other company. one thing i found though.. between number 3 and 4 i have 8 years difference. i have found that number three, samuli, maybe doesn't get as much atention as he should as teenager, when i have three ssmall kids. would have been better to have all the kids within a few years.wernut

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