slightly deep thoughts!

Assalamu alaikom

I saw the following verse from the Quran in a friend's email signature the other day.  I literally just stopped what I was doing and had a light bulb moment.  "Oh." I think to myself.  "It's been right there all along."  I read it, and I reread it, and I wonder why we (rather, why "I") couldn't embody this sentiment:
 And they who say: O our Lord! grant us in our wives and our offspring the joy of our eyes, and make us guides to those who guard (against evil).  
(  سورة الفرقان  , Al-Furqan, Chapter #25, Verse #74)

Allah, our Creator, our Lord has blessed us with verses that guide our hearts.  THIS is how we want to perceive our spouses.  THIS is how we want to perceive our children. As a joy. 

Let me start with the children part.  This could be taken to mean that our children are so great that all they do is bring joy into our lives. I personally don't think this is what the verse is about.  We all come with our ups and downs, so no person is going to be 100% a joy to someone all the time.  My toddler got into 5 dangerous things within a minute and thirty seconds today.  She is running my nerves to the wire.  However, I think I could slow down and either put more things out of her reach and/or spend the time to give her direction calmly.  This would establish a healthy ground of communication. 

We have to change how our hearts feel towards children.  This will revolutionize our lives, I think.  The answer to our stress and frustration is right there, straight from God Himself.  They are JOY.  So that means I must be doing it wrong when I don't see them as a JOY.  When I'm mad that milk spilled for the 3rd time in 24 hours all over the table, chairs, and floor, I need to turn to Allah and ask HIM to help me through it.  Don't get mad at the child.  Don't wish they weren't so bothersome or messy.  Don't say "why can't my house look perfectly neat and clean all the time".  You know how they say fashion models and fashion magazines lower teen girls' self-esteem and create unhealthy expectations in them?  Today I realized that society, magazines, and stores do that to ME when it comes to my house.  I feel there is a certain level of how tidy or matchy my house should be.  Then along walks the family into the house and that image doesn't exist.  I don't want to define my expectation by a magazine's image, but to an extent I think we all do.  This materialistic disease takes us away from being thankful to Allah, from praising Him, and from seeing the 'messy' parts of our life as a joy.

So my goal is to keep reminding myself of this verse and to feel joyful with my children.  Whatever is difficult is a reminder that Allah is there for me to ask, and He will run to my aid. 

The part about the spouse is a good topic for a different day, but wow... look at your spouse as a person who gives you JOY, and you will see him/her in a different light.  And hopefully we can be that joy for them as well.