A Certain Generation Gap

Assalamu alaikom wa rahmatulah and peace and greetings to my dear readers,

Oh boy is this on my mind today.  You know that feeling you get when you feel like you have to defend your parenting choices?  Or for those readers without children, this applies to any personal choice that for some reason becomes public.  After about 10 years of such unsolicited advice, I've just really had enough and now feel sorry for people who cannot see past their block.  I was about to jump to a conclusion that might have been unfair, so instead, after more soul searching, I've come up with a much more politically correct conclusion.

Some background info:
Since I started having little kidlets, certain women of a certain age and of a certain ethnicity have often asked me questions like: "So when will little so and so be ready for preschool?"  or "So when are you putting dear so and so in nursery/daycare/preschool?" 
This is me: (stunned into a moment of silence while I realize the person is asking about my youngest child who is only one year old at the time) "Oh. You're asking about THIS little so and so? Well, she's only one year old, so ummm, not really thinking about it now. I guess when she's 3 or so."
Caring Elder: "But you need time for yourself.  You should put her in preschool."
Me: (still reeling that she's so concerned about me getting rid of my infant-just-turned toddler) "Oh, well maybe you mean daycare b/c they don't start actual preschool until age 3, really, so anything before that is called daycare."
Caring Elder: "Well, you know, just for a couple of hours so that you can have some time to yourself."
Me: "Well, I'm actually happy to be home with the kids right now, so alhamdullah, I dont' think they'll go anywhere till they're 3 if I feel like sending them to preschool." (this was before I started homeschooling)

These well meaning ladies don't realize that to me, getting a baby ready for a 'couple of hours' at daycare would cause more effort and stress than just dealing with having a baby in my life.  I'd have to plan out outings to the hour and figure out how many hours I wanted to put the baby in daycare.  Then I'd have to convince my husband that I want to give the daycare a few hundred dollars a week so that I could have " a couple of hours to myself" to get groceries or to shop or something like that? LOL  Ya.  I don't think so.  So, however well-meaning these people are, I don't think they realize that 1) there is so much more to it than just 'dropping off baby for a couple of hours', and that 2) their suggesting such a thing actually puts a level of stress on me.  Why should it?  Well, it's this collective community opinion that I must need a break and that I must be stressed out and that taking care of children must be just awful.  I've gotten this a lot. A LOT.  And it leaves me frustrated even though I know inside what I'm doing.

What I really want from someone who has already raised her children is SUPPORT! Encouragement.  Motivation.  Why sit there and tell me not to have any more children??? Who are you sit there and tell me "Oh, no more, Zein, that's enough".  Really??  SubhanAllah.

So now that I've taken to educating my children at home, I've heard even more comments.  Yeah, it would feel nice to have a couple of quiet hours here some days, but I'm not willing to give up the advantages we're raking in for it.  Yes, it's hard dealing with their feelings, moods, and complaints.  It's their age.  I'm here to train them to get over this stage with grace and maturity.  It's ok.  If I don't do it, no one else will in the way I want.  We are choosing to do it this way, and it also doesn't mean it is the only way, either.  Certain women of a certain age and a certain ethnicity have been the ones most likely to shake their heads ask certain questions similar to the ones I got with my one year olds.  They will glance over at my children playing and say "So you're not going to put them in summer classes or something?" 
Me: (silence while I figure out what she's asking me b/c we're still homeschooling through July, but she doesn't know that).  Oh.  No. (pause) No.  Um, I'm not putting them in any classes.
Caring Elder: So no summer school.
Me: No
Caring Elder:  Wow.  It's hard to have them home all day everyday.
Me: Well, because we are homeschoolers we have a good routine going on and we all stay busy.... and on and on and on....

My conclusion is that the older generation just has this mentality of making it easier for you by getting rid of your kids.  It's not nice to generalize, I know, and I don't mean this of everyone, but it's been overwhelming enough that I just want to get it off my chest.  Why does it bother me? Two reasons:
1) The paradigm that children are just a pain and you can't wait til they're old enough to send them 'somewhere'.  A year or two ago I had a change of heart.  Many of us have it. It's all a drag, a pain, the mess, the whining, the dirty clothes, etc.  Well, I told myself to put that away and embrace the fact that I have small children in my life right now.  Love it. Live it. Naptimes ruled my schedule for a while, but that was ok and I was going to stop making it stress me out when it cramped someone else's style. All of it.  I realized that to enjoy it and be good at it I needed to shift how I felt in my heart about the whole thing.  Why not just sit down and let everyone do their thing?
2) Help me instead of shoot me down.  As an older lady in my life, a person who has raised her children, how about support, motivation, encouragement!  Share a gem instead of asking me when I'm going to get my youngest one out of my hair so that I can have some time to myself?  I do hope that I can be a positive influence in someone's life instead of the person who puts a little bug in their ear that leads to self-doubt and dissatisfaction.

So to wrap up this loooong (sorry) rant tonight, I'm just saying that instead of pointing my finger at certain nationlalities, I'll say it is a generational issue.  I like to remember that children are gifts from God, and that this is no light responsibility.  Putting in the effort, the money, the means, and whatever you have to raise righteous children who will be contributing members of society is a win-win situation.  The child will benefit from his parents' attention, upbringing, and resources.  The parent will benefit from it in that his reward will be with his Lord, and what better reward is there?  Let's enjoy parenting our little ones!

Ft. Worth Museum of Science and History

Since we talked about space last week during our science classes, I planned on taking the kids to the Noble Planetarium to see how the Texas sky looks at night.  It was a short presentation, but we were the only people in the planetarium so we got to sit back and relax all we wanted.  The kids were all smiles when it was over~ they had never been to one before!!  In the entryway there were meteors on display along with a real live satellite gifted to the museum from Russia! 

We spent most of the day browsing different rooms at the museum.  It is a great place to spend a day (or many days, to be honest).  We saw a wide variety of goodies ranging from real, stuffed cattle on a recreated old cattle drive to electronic build-your-own aircraft.  The kids built planes with Legos and used unusual materials inside this one room (for 3rd graders and up).  We did take our own food and ate outside, although there are signs all over the museum telling us that outside food is not allowed.  I brought mine in a small bag and we ate outside in plain view.  No one stopped us, and I'm not sure why they wouldn't just designate an eating area for people who want to bring their own food.  I get they want to make money in their own cafeteria, but hey, not everyone wants to pay museum prices for a large family lunch!

I wish I knew how to get my pictures from my iPhone onto my laptop, but I don't right now.  Until I consult with my personal tech-support man, I'll just have to bore you with more words.

We had so much fun that I bought a family membership for up to 8 people.  What's cool about this place is that as long as I am coming with my card, I can bring any 8 people.  They don't have to be related or anything.  I like that.  It's flexible for bringing friends and relatives.  We do hope to go back and acutally go further than the entry hall!  We literally didn't even go further than the entry area and the gift shop.  Those two neat rooms where the kids could've stayed all day were right there at the front, and then when we went to the planetarium upstairs, that's where we saw the cattle thing and the airplane rooms. 

So after every funfilled day, a mom gets to deal with the imminent, impending meltdowns.  Tears, whining, complaining, etc...  sheesh.  If I weren't convinced that these trips shape their minds I wouldn't bother, but hopefully once they rest and return to their cheerful selves they'll appreciate their trip.  And now I will finish my cup of coffee while I wait for dinner in the oven to be done... yep Memaw's Casserole comes in handy on days like this.

Update: And now, after consulting with my tech-support man, I have a folder full of pictures... voila.

update on previous diet/health topics

Assalamu alaikom wa rahmatullah,

Whenever I look at who's been looking at my blog, I see that one particular entry gets a lot of views.  The one about using baking soda for washing hair.  Someone must be coming back over and over for some reason, so I felt like I had to update on my little trial.

I was enjoying cleaning my hair using the baking soda wash and following it with apple cider vinegar until I went for a haircut one day.  My sylist told me my scalp didn't look so good.  She said it is dry and flaky (although I hadn't had any signs of this), and of course she asked what shampoo I was using.  Too embarassed to tell her I'd been using baking soda (lol) I told her it was a natural shampoo.  She said I need a moisturizing one that will take care of the scalp. 

I ditched the soda and used a shampoo that was moisturizing.  I try not to wash it too often, so I usually can go 3 days without shampooing.  It does feel cleaner and my scalp does feel more normal, come to think of it.  Last week I bought Jason brand shampoo hoping it has changed since the first time I used it several years ago.  So far, so good. Today was my 3rd wash with it and I think I'm ok with it.  I've heard from some women who've been using the baking soda wash for years now and I wonder how their scalp feels.  Maybe it's just not for me!

Ok, moving on.  I've been drinking apple cider vinegar a lot. I dilute it in a mug of water and add a spoon of honey.  I personally enjoy this drink, but everyone in my family can't stand the stink of the vinegar!!  I'm told it smells like armpits and like feet.  So if I do make a mug, I have to drink it in the kitchen and drink it FAST!!!  It's ok.  While there aren't any hard proofs that it does any one particular thing, there are many theories that this drink helps your skin, your heart, cholesterol, and weight loss.  I haven't lost any weight, but maybe if you drink it in the morning it would help more than how I drink it which is at night.

My mornings are reserved for my other favorite drink: green smoothie!!!  LOVE IT!  I still make them, and now my kids are starting to drink them too.  I put a date (always have a tub of those in the house), a banana, a cup or more of frozen fruits (we love the tropical mix), a cup or so of organic baby spinach, and enough water to make it smooth.  Sometimes I add an apple or something else.  We like to have it as a mid-morning snack around 10:30am.  Talk about invigorating!  It just gives you a CLEAN feeling like you just got a boost of energy without any of the downers of caffeine or sugar.  The calories are pretty low and oh-so-good for you.  You will feel the benefits right away if you start having these.  Your skin will have that special glow, too, from the fruits.

Of course no one eats perfectly all the time, but I find that incorporating these little things as often as is convenient makes me feel better, more balanced, and healthier.

Meal Planning, it's that time....

Assalamu alaikom wa rahmatullah,

Ok, another set of meals to plan.  Thank God that some days it just sorta falls into place.  Today I was out (I'll post about that separately) most of the day, so the pizza my husband ordered for lunch was also eaten at dinner with a few greens and carrots added for good measure.

Tomorrow we plan to be at the Museum of Science and History in Ft. Worth, mostly to see a show at the planetarium, so dinner will be Memaw's Casserole (again) which I have in the freezer and should probably go pull out if we're going to eat it tomorrow. brb

That will last Wednesday as well with a salad thrown in, too, insha'Allah.

The other few meals I have lined for the week are:
Chicken that I will shred, cook with olive oil, sumac, and onions, then roll it up in tortilla. bake.
Bean enchiladas (my husband won't touch this but the rest of us hopefully can have it for lunch)
More salad.
BBQ on Sunday, Arabic style with hummos, tabbouleh, and watermelon insha'Allah.

Again, here is a template that is similar to mine. I couldn't find the one I normally use on their website anymore, but this one is very similar just without the column for children.  However if you have anyone in the family who needs a special diet then this will be helpful.

Indeed, After Every Hardship There is Ease

Do I ever set some high expectations. 
That is not a good thing, most of the time.
There is such a thing as 'doing just fine', you know!  After some reflection recently, I've somehow come to a realization that is liberating.  I just need to remember it often and act on it.  To put some background in this, I'm going to share a personal discovery of myself. Beginning with the first time I was at home with my newborn, I developed this crazy, adrenalin imposed, mama-bear sized drive to push through at full speed ahead.  I was on such an adrenalin rush after my son was born that it took me weeks to calm down enough to realize I had a cute little baby!  I was in a zone. Had to get stuff done, done right, and done often.  And I did just that.  I was a machine. And so began my way of going about a lot of things.  I didn't mean for it to happen; it just did.

So, of course, this is how I took on homeschool.  And we went for the first 14 weeks without a break, and we did great.  We took a good month off and came back ready to roll.  Now that we have about 6 weeks 'officially' left, I think I'm relaxing, or, rather, letting the adrenalin settle down enough that I can have that same realization that I had when I had my baby. Oh! I'm homeschooling my kids, it is working, we are happy, and we're going to keep doing it!  I have been in a zone.  Had to get stuff done, done right, and done daily.  And we did it.  And now I am able to see and feel confident in knowing that my children are, in fact, learning a lot.  When they finish school by noon, I sometimes stammer out something about extra pages, extra reading, or didn't you forget something?  But they've done their work.  And what's great in our home is that they're almost always doing something beneficial (even in their playtime).  They help with chores, laundry, and with each other (big ones helping out littler ones).  They play together outside, and sometimes inside with a board game or make-believe.  They put together puzzles (of continents or alphabet), help me cook, play with play-do, paint, or draw in their sketch pads.  They are aware of the work it takes to get dinner on the table, to get clean clothes in their closets, and to get the chores done before we can play (me included).  A precious statement uttered by my 8year old daughter tonight as I was losing my temper while loading the dishwasher, "Mom, don't be upset. You have a lot of work to do.  You have little kids and a lot of kids, and you have to clean and cook.  Don't think everything has to be just perfect."   She was so comforting, my little sweetheart, that I thanked her so much.  She was right.  What a blessing she was there to comfort me and put it into perspective. 
Often we are our own worst enemies.
Did I mention I set too-high expectations? 
The moral of tonight's blog is this: hey, let's all take a little pressure off ourselves and enjoy the here and now.

a pink sweater

I found a pretty sweater in my closet.  I think I've never worn it before, or maybe just briefly before getting annoyed with it and taking it off.  It is a cardigan.  My problem with it is that is is 3/4 sleeve and full of big holes.  I guess it's a crochet sweater with a big floral thing going therefore making big gaps between the flowers.  I put in my give-away pile last month and tucked it away into the bag.

Well wouldn't you know, like a week after that I got a dress as a gift that needed a little cardigan.  Gosh, couldn't believe it. Alhamdullah, the bag hadn't gone to the donation site yet, so I dug it out and stuffed in my closet.  Well, for some reason I put it on tonight.  Over a white tshirt and black yoga pants.  It's soft pink, and it is such a sweet, soft, girly sweater!  I suddenly wondered why women dont' have more feminine clothing options.  I'm guilty of wearing trousers and plain tshirts often. Like daily. It's comfortable, easy, and not likely to get in the way of my work.  But this sweater reminds me of the person I used to be, and of the person currently trapped inside who cant' get out!  Many factors contribute to why this trapped 'me' can't get out, and I won't go into all those reasons here. But I will make a promise to myself to try to wear something that makes that inner 'me' come out more often.  I even wore a loose braid today with little wispies coming out the sides.  Here's to being true to yourself.

Recipe for Memaw's Casserole

I remember eating this casserole at my grandmother, Memaw's, house since I was young.  Now this dish is often requested at my own house from my children and husband! I sometimes make double to have an extra one in the freezer.

1 lb spaghetti, cooked according to directions
1lb ground beef
1 cup chopped onion
1 green pepper, chopped
3 pieces of garlic, chopped
1 small can mushrooms, or sautee your own fresh ones (we omit these b/c of the kids hating mushrooms)
1 can corn
1 can diced tomatoes
1 can tomato sauce
1 cup water
2 cups sharp cheddar cheese, grated
3 T chili powder (not the spicy Indian kind, the mexican/american kind)
1 cup frozen peas

Sautee your onions, peppers, and garlic. Add the beef and brown. Drain. Add spices and salt and pepper to taste.  Add the tomato cans and let this simmer 20 minutes or more on low heat.  Add the peas, corn, and mushrooms and simmer a little longer.
 Add your cooked spaghetti to the ground beef mixture. 
In a long pyrex (9*13) put half the mixture down, top with 1 cup cheese, then put the other half over it.  Top with remaining cheese.  You can cover it and freeze it at this point or bake at 350 for 40 or so minutes until it's bubbly and the cheese is melted.

Recipe for Creamy Gazpacho Soup

This is delicious and a favorite of my husband.

4 cups tomato juice
2  14 1/2oz cans diced tomatoes
1 12oz can evaporated milk (i omit this and use a large spoonful of sour cream instead)
1/2 cup lemon juice
1/4 cup olive oil ( ours is straight off the family land in Palestine)
2 cloves garlic, chopped
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
1/2 tsp hot pepper sauce (tobasco or cholula)
3 cups peeled, seeded, chopped cucumber
1cup chopped green pepper
1 cup chopped onion

I put everything in a large bowl and blend with my immersion blender. I add more hot sauce, too.
A different way is to just blend the juice, tomatoes, lemon juice and oil then add the chopped veggies into it and have a chunky soup.  We like ours smooth.
Sahtain!

Tentative Menu for next week

Assalamu alaikom everyone,
I have our main meals planned out for this week, nothing is set in stone:
Monday: Malfoof (stuffed and rolled up cabbage) Salad
Tuesday: Memaw's Casserole, Salad
Wednesday: leftovers from Monday and Tuesday plus Salad if needed
Thursday: Fasuliah (Green beans in a beef stew sauce, rice on the side)
Friday: Breaded tilapia, salad, veggies

I'll post a recipe for Memaw's Casserole b/c it's one of the top 5 with my husband and kids.
Have a great week!!! We're on a 2 week vacation from school starting now, so I'm looking forward to a laid back few days.  I'll probably make some food for the freezer in addition to some baking (breads and cakes, insha'Allah).