A Certain Generation Gap

Assalamu alaikom wa rahmatulah and peace and greetings to my dear readers,

Oh boy is this on my mind today.  You know that feeling you get when you feel like you have to defend your parenting choices?  Or for those readers without children, this applies to any personal choice that for some reason becomes public.  After about 10 years of such unsolicited advice, I've just really had enough and now feel sorry for people who cannot see past their block.  I was about to jump to a conclusion that might have been unfair, so instead, after more soul searching, I've come up with a much more politically correct conclusion.

Some background info:
Since I started having little kidlets, certain women of a certain age and of a certain ethnicity have often asked me questions like: "So when will little so and so be ready for preschool?"  or "So when are you putting dear so and so in nursery/daycare/preschool?" 
This is me: (stunned into a moment of silence while I realize the person is asking about my youngest child who is only one year old at the time) "Oh. You're asking about THIS little so and so? Well, she's only one year old, so ummm, not really thinking about it now. I guess when she's 3 or so."
Caring Elder: "But you need time for yourself.  You should put her in preschool."
Me: (still reeling that she's so concerned about me getting rid of my infant-just-turned toddler) "Oh, well maybe you mean daycare b/c they don't start actual preschool until age 3, really, so anything before that is called daycare."
Caring Elder: "Well, you know, just for a couple of hours so that you can have some time to yourself."
Me: "Well, I'm actually happy to be home with the kids right now, so alhamdullah, I dont' think they'll go anywhere till they're 3 if I feel like sending them to preschool." (this was before I started homeschooling)

These well meaning ladies don't realize that to me, getting a baby ready for a 'couple of hours' at daycare would cause more effort and stress than just dealing with having a baby in my life.  I'd have to plan out outings to the hour and figure out how many hours I wanted to put the baby in daycare.  Then I'd have to convince my husband that I want to give the daycare a few hundred dollars a week so that I could have " a couple of hours to myself" to get groceries or to shop or something like that? LOL  Ya.  I don't think so.  So, however well-meaning these people are, I don't think they realize that 1) there is so much more to it than just 'dropping off baby for a couple of hours', and that 2) their suggesting such a thing actually puts a level of stress on me.  Why should it?  Well, it's this collective community opinion that I must need a break and that I must be stressed out and that taking care of children must be just awful.  I've gotten this a lot. A LOT.  And it leaves me frustrated even though I know inside what I'm doing.

What I really want from someone who has already raised her children is SUPPORT! Encouragement.  Motivation.  Why sit there and tell me not to have any more children??? Who are you sit there and tell me "Oh, no more, Zein, that's enough".  Really??  SubhanAllah.

So now that I've taken to educating my children at home, I've heard even more comments.  Yeah, it would feel nice to have a couple of quiet hours here some days, but I'm not willing to give up the advantages we're raking in for it.  Yes, it's hard dealing with their feelings, moods, and complaints.  It's their age.  I'm here to train them to get over this stage with grace and maturity.  It's ok.  If I don't do it, no one else will in the way I want.  We are choosing to do it this way, and it also doesn't mean it is the only way, either.  Certain women of a certain age and a certain ethnicity have been the ones most likely to shake their heads ask certain questions similar to the ones I got with my one year olds.  They will glance over at my children playing and say "So you're not going to put them in summer classes or something?" 
Me: (silence while I figure out what she's asking me b/c we're still homeschooling through July, but she doesn't know that).  Oh.  No. (pause) No.  Um, I'm not putting them in any classes.
Caring Elder: So no summer school.
Me: No
Caring Elder:  Wow.  It's hard to have them home all day everyday.
Me: Well, because we are homeschoolers we have a good routine going on and we all stay busy.... and on and on and on....

My conclusion is that the older generation just has this mentality of making it easier for you by getting rid of your kids.  It's not nice to generalize, I know, and I don't mean this of everyone, but it's been overwhelming enough that I just want to get it off my chest.  Why does it bother me? Two reasons:
1) The paradigm that children are just a pain and you can't wait til they're old enough to send them 'somewhere'.  A year or two ago I had a change of heart.  Many of us have it. It's all a drag, a pain, the mess, the whining, the dirty clothes, etc.  Well, I told myself to put that away and embrace the fact that I have small children in my life right now.  Love it. Live it. Naptimes ruled my schedule for a while, but that was ok and I was going to stop making it stress me out when it cramped someone else's style. All of it.  I realized that to enjoy it and be good at it I needed to shift how I felt in my heart about the whole thing.  Why not just sit down and let everyone do their thing?
2) Help me instead of shoot me down.  As an older lady in my life, a person who has raised her children, how about support, motivation, encouragement!  Share a gem instead of asking me when I'm going to get my youngest one out of my hair so that I can have some time to myself?  I do hope that I can be a positive influence in someone's life instead of the person who puts a little bug in their ear that leads to self-doubt and dissatisfaction.

So to wrap up this loooong (sorry) rant tonight, I'm just saying that instead of pointing my finger at certain nationlalities, I'll say it is a generational issue.  I like to remember that children are gifts from God, and that this is no light responsibility.  Putting in the effort, the money, the means, and whatever you have to raise righteous children who will be contributing members of society is a win-win situation.  The child will benefit from his parents' attention, upbringing, and resources.  The parent will benefit from it in that his reward will be with his Lord, and what better reward is there?  Let's enjoy parenting our little ones!